Verbal communication skills encompass the gamut of getting our messages across—from the exact words we need to say to words that we blurt out without thinking.
And here’s something surprising: We speak in the negative without realizing it. Imagine what that does to our brains and to the people trying to decipher what we’re talking about!
Conversely, imagine what turning those unintentional negatives into positives would subconsciously do to enhance our lives and the lives of others.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful? (Translated: Would it not be wonderful?) Why do we say that?! Especially when we could say: “That would be wonderful!”
For years, I have collected negatively worded phrases. (I’m a trainer of effective communication skills and a wordsmith, so this is my idea of great fun!) I have either heard or read all the negatively worded example phrases or sentences we’re going to examine in this article.
Enjoy and be prepared to change the way you speak and write!
Some negatively worded phrases muddle the mind and need immediate rephrasing to understand:
- We cannot not communicate. (We have to communicate.)
- This topic is not unfamiliar to me. (I am familiar with this topic. Shorter: I know this topic.)
How about those mindless knee-jerk reactions we say when we’re supposedly reinforcing someone’s thought:
- “No way!”
- “You don’t say!”
- “I don’t disagree.”
Some negative phrases lure us into sounding as if our thoughts transcend all vocabulary:
- “Words cannot express how I feel… “
- “I can’t tell you how….”
Why do people use these phrases? I believe they either don’t want to make the effort to think of the words, or they don’t have that many words in their vocabulary, and they’re okay with that. I’m not referring to people who are learning the English language, I’m referring to people who feel they don’t need to expand their vocabulary because they are already armed with all-purpose, go-to words such as “cool,” “awesome,” “super,” etc. By using them, they abdicate the power to communicate their message to their listeners, who now have the responsibility to insert their guesses as to what that person means.
Here are some negative phrases we don’t intend to say if taken literally:
- “It wouldn’t hurt to pick up a gallon of milk at the grocery while you’re out.” (I hope not!)
- “He wants it in the worst way.”
- “He’s awfully nice.” (What!?)
- “He wants the reward badly.”
- “I’m afraid to tell you I need to postpone our meeting.” (Really?!)
- “I just don’t think we could read it enough.” (How many times are we supposed to read it?)
We use some negative phrases to make us sound profound. I put them in the “What does this mean?” category:
- “No small amount of coercion convinced her.” (What does that mean?)
- “That’s nothing short of a miracle.”
- “He died not shortly after that.” (So, when did he die? The next day?)
- “I’m talking about none other than…” (none other?)
- “He could care less.” (But he chooses not to?)
- “She didn’t weigh 100 pounds.” (How much did she weigh? 250 pounds? We need clarity here!)
Some negative phrases just scream to be expressed in the positive:
- “That’s not inexpensive.” (That’s expensive.)
- “Nothing is impossible.” (Everything is possible.)
- “I have nothing but good things to say about her work.” (“I have all good things to say about her work.” “Her work is excellent.”)
- “I have never known your mother not to be nice.” (Your mother is always nice.)
- “That won’t take me so terribly long.” (“I can get that done in a few moments/an hour.”)
- “Who doesn’t want to live in a (beautiful) town like this?” (I was in the audience. Everyone else chose to ignore the word doesn’t. Every hand went up. The presenter could have said, “Who would like to live in a town like this?)
Some phrases are just verbal clutter:
- “I don’t know about you but… “(Eliminate this.)
- “He’s nothing but a boy.” (He’s young.)
- “Nothing has impressed us more than…” (We are most impressed with…)
- “No one has contributed more than she.” (She has contributed the most.)
- “He is not unschooled.” (He’s educated.)
- “She was frustrated to no end.” (She was “thoroughly frustrated.” Or maybe “exasperated.”)
How about those negative phrases we’ve heard others say and we don’t even bother to decipher:
- “I told him in no uncertain terms…”
- “She’s the best actress—bar none.”
- “It wasn’t for naught… “ or, “It wasn’t for nothing…”
Some negative phrases are just grammatically wrong–double negatives:
- “can’t hardly”. (Either use “can’t” or “hardly”.)
- “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” (Deciphering the slang: You have not seen nothing yet. (In other words: You’ve seen something.)
Some negative phrases derail and steal the limelight:
- “We couldn’t ask for better friends.” (Are the speakers saying they weren’t allowed to ask for better friends…or, if they were allowed, they were physically unable to do so?) How about using this instead: “They are our best friends.”
Some negative responses put an unexpected damper on positively worded comments/questions:
- It’s beautiful weather here. “It’s not bad.” or “I can’t complain.”
- What did you think about what I accomplished? “Not half bad.”
- What do you think? “That’s not a bad idea.” “That’s not too shabby.”
Are you ready for irony? We are actually seeking agreement when we phrase these questions in the negative:
- “Take this prescription and see if you don’t feel better by morning.” (See if you don’t feel better?)
- “Do everything this book says and see if you can’t change the course of your life.” (can’t change?)
- Wouldn’t it be nice if…? (“Would it be nice if…?”)
- Don’t you think? (“Do you think…?”)
- Why don’t you come over tonight for dinner? (“How about if you…”. Would you like to…”)
- Why not take your friends along too? (“How about if we take your friends along too?”)
- Did we not talk about that…? (“Did we talk about that?”)
Our minds struggle with processing negatives such as “not” and “no.” For example, when we hear, “Don’t (do not) think about lime-colored worms,” we first have to think of lime-colored worms in order to NOT think about them.
That’s why the following phrases need to be turned into the positive:
- Don’t fall. (“Watch your step.”)
- Don’t spill your water glass! (“Move your water glass closer to the middle of the table.”)
- Don’t forget. (“Remember to…”)
- Don’t use negatives. (“Use positives.”)
- Don’t arrive after 7:00. (“Arrive by 7:00.”)
- Don’t send so many emails. (“Consolidate your emails.”)
- No littering, loitering, cursing, or using unnecessary and confusing phrases! (“Be tidy, diligent, and professionally appropriate in what you say and how succinct and clearly you say it.”)
- Thank you: No problem. (“My pleasure.” “I’ll be glad to.” “You’re welcome.”)
- Is that okay?: No worries. (“It’s fine.” “It’s my pleasure.”)
We are not only the communicator of negatively phrased words; we are also the receiver. Think self-talk. Here’s how we can turn that around:
- “I’m not going to get that job!” (“It’s a challenge, and I’m up for it!”)
- “I can’t do that!” (“I can do that. This is my plan: ___________.”)
And finally, some negatives are legitimate transitions. I recommend using them sparingly:
- nonetheless
- notwithstanding
- not only…but also
Be kind to your listeners and readers and think before you use negatively laced/convoluted phrases. Did you learn what not to say and, instead, learn how to create phrases that promote clarity and positivity?
When you make that change, others will detect it. They will see you as an even more positive, empowering person…and they will have no idea why they feel that way!
Go for it!
As an author, advisor, and trainer of effective communication skills, I want you to know that turning unintentional negatives into positives is one aspect of the advanced communication skills training I offer. Contact me if you or your team would like to experience customized communication skills training on this or other topics via consultations or workshops.
